"The 50,000+ members of the Iron Butt Association are dedicated to safe, long-distance motorcycle riding." 50,000. That took a little to get my head around. That's the kind of numbers that gather around the Washington, DC reflection pool for a major event. Nearly the equivalent to the number of fans who pack shoulder to shoulder to see my beloved Eagles on a Sunday afternoon in fall. That's a lot of iron. That's 100,000 cheeks.
So who were these people? Could the numbers be right? I felt a little like Will Smith in I am Legend, pondering the possibility of others like me, but not really sure what to do when you actually run into some. I decided to shelve that 50K number for the time being and move on, otherwise I would have been stuck on the possibility of 1K people per state and how that was possible, especially since I have not seen a single scooter from RI yet. I had seen maybe 10 bikes I can remember that stuck out like something from Mad Max with egg crates strapped to them and enough gizmos to make me jealous. OK, global, that makes sense and drops the averages.
I started to look at the list of "Rides & Rules". I felt a bit limp. The lowest number I could find was 1000 miles in a single day. That's almost 50% more than my best which was a conservative guess of 665 from google maps, not counting the side trips. Not only is 1000 insane, the voice that Moses heard on the mount repeated "50,000". Oh wait, there's one for 1500... Then I saw "The soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window", to quote Ralphie's Christmas Story.
"48-10"
48-10. Here I am sniveling about the Louisiana-purchase, and here's an actual category on the internet in black and white compelling people to do the whole shooten-match in 10 days. Add on to that the anchor of my dreams, the great state of Alaska, and one could then consider themselves "extreme". I am no longer Abby Normal. By god, I am one of the constrained. I've found a league where not only am I not varsity, I got turned away at tryouts for the JV.
I closed the website and got back down to work. Analyzing constraints for pay, not for pleasure. I felt like a kid however who saw their friends father's Playboy at too young an age. I couldn't get it out of my head. It seemed wrong on some level, but on another, it felt oh so right.
"48-10"
How is that possible? Is it a hoax? April Fool's was still months away. From what little I read of the website, it was clear that these guys, and quite a number of women, were not jokers. There had to be something more to it. Not many constraints were analyzed that afternoon. The clock played tricks on me like my namesake's character in Risky Business. It was a relief to get home. I approached my pc with Peanut Butter and Jelly in hand and ticked in IronButt.com like it was going to bite me.
"48-10"
Enough of this shenanigans. There has to be a way. Someone had to do it. Turns out several have. Some dude Kneebone, who appears to be a diety to this tribe. did it. Then he had his record beaten by others, then they quit keeping records. Then I found "the list". 78 people had their names emblazoned on the "48 Plus!" list in 2011 alone. It's not 50K, but I would have found that number absurd had it been cumulative since the first world war.
78. At least I had a new number in my head, though in fairness, 48-10 never really left. As I sit here today and type this some months later, I must admit it remains doggedly affixed to my frontal lobe.
The good thing about programmers, and perhaps why the rest of the world finds us a touch off, is that for us to be able to do our jobs we must salivate over large and complex problems. Frequently these problems are items others have found insurmountable, but we are told to "make it happen". (Then the rest of the office takes a nice long lunch and asks if it's done when they get back.) Take a deep breath Joel. This is just another task, albeit a gargantuan one.
First things first. People with gods typically have words of wisdom, tablets, scrolls or some other holy relic which they hold dear. Words of wisdom give key insights into the operations of a culture, and this culture was as foreign to me as the tribes of Borneo. It didn't take long until I found it, the "Archive of Wisdom".
As is customary for me, I like to guess what's behind door number 3 before I open it, and I always pick door number 3. My guess, 5hr energy is your friend, or maybe vague references to meth like "check your crank regularly". Nah, motorcyclists who live to tell the tale aren't that stupid. Enough of this, click it.
There it was, in blue and white. These guys aren't some sort of Mongol hoard, but quite to the contrary. The Archive of Wisdom is something my evangelical grandmother would have been proud of. Don't drink, don't do drugs, don't speed. These guys don't even do coffee for god's sake. I think I like them, though people who don't drink coffee have to be thoroughly vetted. It's like a skinny chef, but worse. Programmers stay up all night and work through the following day when times get tough. Programmers get a stainless steel Keurig put on their desk instead of bonuses, and yes, we are happy about it.
I re-read the scrolls a couple of times to make sure I didn't miss anything. I perused the forum, and started reading various parts of the site to file off the sharp edges of the shock factor of which I had fallen victim for the last 8 hours. These seemed like fairly normal folks. All different walks life, all different ages and gender. They had a secret though. I don't know what it is, but I have no choice but to move forward in my quest for knowledge of this tribe.
iron butt book Google hadn't failed me the first time, nor did it the second time around. Hit #1 was for Amazon for a fellow named Ron Ayers who wrote a book called "Against the Wind". I saw the same last name on the ironbutt website as well. 1-click buy for a used copy. I didn't realize at the time that it was about an actual structured rally for some reason. I didn't even know those things existed. It was an impulse buy for when I ran out of patience with the goog in a week or so. If it was self promoting fluff, the used copy didn't cost me much so no harm, no foul.
Part 4 continues..
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